User Profile

Hello, I’m Heidi. I live in Finland, in Turku.

I used to think I was born in the wrong country, with a nationality that didn’t suit me. I envied Celtic cultures, wished I was born with freckles, bright red hair and an Irish accent. So, when I finished high-school on 18, I packed my bag and bought a plain ticket to Dublin. I was terrified, but that turned out to be the best thing I’ve ever done! I ended up staying a month, backpacking and hitch-hiking all around Ireland. Since then, I’ve been to a similar trip to Scotland as well, and worked on a holiday camp in Wales. Now I’m 24 years old, back in Finland, and finally content to be a Finn. That doesn’t mean my travels are over, though!

At the moment I have no religion, but I am deeply religious (as a child, I used to build stone altars for praying in forests!). As I’ve long considered nature to be the biggest and most beautiful church, I’ve been leaning towards paganism and Wiccan for past couple of years. I hope to be able to meet similar minded people to help me learn more.

I have an obsessive personality and am trying to use it on positive things, like art and crafts. When I get interested in something, I tend to find out everything about it, and immerse myself totally into it. I have strong opinions about things and I know what I like and don't like. That doesn't mean I'm not open-minded and curious about learning new things, far from it, actually.

I have a tendency to be melancholic, but I consider myself to be hopeful and optimistic of my future at the moment. Silly little things bring me joy, which I think is fair, as there is also so many little things that can bring me down. I've suffered from depression for years, and am currently trying to just think positive and not be so hard on myself. It's a long and slow process of healing myself without the aid of pills or therapy.

I think I’ve been very lucky. I’ve been able to learn at least something out of every bad thing that has ever happened to me. I’ve made enemies by trying to please people, and by trying to be truth to myself. I’m very sensitive, but people sometimes see me as callous. Strangest comment I’ve heard concerning myself, was that I seemed to take nothing at heart! I guess I am a perfect Cancer: my hard shell protecting the mushy insides!

I am also in slow progress of finding my place in the world. I know that writing will someday be a part of that, but at the moment I'm still improving my skills. I haven't read nearly as much as I'd like, but I'm getting there, too. :)

I love autumn, when the yellow leaves are falling on the path leading to the library; having long walks through the yellow fields, straws tickling your knees, and dog running on your side without a leash; running barefooted on wet asphalt on rainy summer nights and swimming naked in lakes covered by early morning mist.

This journal is an attempt to leave all that baggage behind and start being honest to other people and especially myself. I’m trying to live by the quote of Mahatma Gandhi’s: “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony”.

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